Psalm 62:11-12

So I am trying to be disciplined and to daily do things that I value such as exercise, spending time in the Word, and I just decided to add onto it blogging. But I mostly want to blog to invite others into my journey. I love reading my friends' blogs, especially those who live further away to know what is going on in their lives, and so I thought I should open up my life to others as well, and maybe that will bring with it accountability.

Over the last few weeks I have felt it on my heart to make my verse for this year/school year to be Psalm 62:11-12.

One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you. O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.

I have been in a funk for quite a while now. Mostly what I journal about is loss; the loss of my community in Tucson by moving, loss of my little buddy Zac, and loss of my grandmother. And I have felt so devastated in my loss that I realized I have slowly pushed God further away. I realized this morning that it is because it is so hard to really be affected by the loss and open up my heart to God. I am deeply afraid he is not big enough to hold it all, to hold me, my anger at him, and my sadness. I am afraid he will leave because my emotions are too much. So many men in my life have left because my emotions are too much.

While I processing this verse came to mind. I felt him saying, "Coleen, I am strong, and I am loving." Two big truths to hold onto. I long for these truths to be my foundation.

I also am reading through Luke and today I read in the Message, Luke 6: 20-21

You're blessed when you've lost it all.
God's kingdom is there for the finding.

You're blessed when you're ravenously hungry.
Then you're ready for the Messianic meal.

You're blessed when the tears flow freely,
Joy comes with the morning.


Jesus says I am blessed. Blessed are those who mourn. I am blessed. Another big truth to hold onto today. And also there will be much joy in the morning. Hope.